Quarantine +7 Day 1
Freedom is a relative term – today I was surprised in the middle of a meeting by someone who actually wanted to come in and clean my room! After so many weeks of isolation it felt weird. And I could go out for a quick walk at lunch time …
So some pictures – its kind of fun being in the city, but I’m not sure I’d like to live here – so busy, so much traffic. But quite pretty and a lot of preservation of historic buildings.
This evening I went for dinner with a librarian friend who lives here – we had the most amazing vegetarian buffet, so some food porn – don’t laugh, I know it’s all very normal for you folk out there, but after 2 weeks of luke warm / cold rice and mystery meat on plastic …
And the terrible news from my quarantinis is that one of them had a temperature just above 37 degrees so he’s been hauled off to a facility where he’s being held until he has 3 negative covid tests in a row – he’s not tested positive but they’re obviously taking no chances …
And, the worrying news is that when I get back to Beijing I too may be going back to yet another 7 days locked up at home with sealed door & camera surveillance. It ain’t over till it’s over, but there’s no telling when its over.
And to end a very beautiful poem that was share with me today:
my brain and
heart divorced
a decade ago
over who was
to blame about
how big of a mess
I have become
eventually,
they couldn’t be
in the same room
with each other
now my head and heart
share custody of me
I stay with my brain
during the week
and my heart
gets me on weekends
they never speak to one another
instead, they give me
the same note to pass
to each other every week
and their notes they
send to one another always
says the same thing:
“This is all your fault”
on Sundays
my heart complains
about how my
head has let me down
in the past
and on Wednesday
my head lists all
of the times my
heart has screwed
things up for me
in the future
they blame each
other for the
state of my life
there’s been a lot
of yelling – and crying
so,
lately, I’ve been
spending a lot of
time with my gut
who serves as my
unofficial therapist
most nights, I sneak out of the
window in my ribcage
and slide down my spine
and collapse on my
gut’s plush leather chair
that’s always open for me
~ and I just sit sit sit sit
until the sun comes up
last evening,
my gut asked me
if I was having a hard
time being caught
between my heart
and my head
I nodded
I said I didn’t know
if I could live with
either of them anymore
“my heart is always sad about
something that happened yesterday
while my head is always worried
about something that may happen tomorrow,”
I lamented
my gut squeezed my hand
“I just can’t live with
my mistakes of the past
or my anxiety about the future,”
I sighed
my gut smiled and said:
“in that case,
you should
go stay with your
lungs for a while,”
I was confused
the look on my face gave it away
“if you are exhausted about
your heart’s obsession with
the fixed past and your mind’s focus
on the uncertain future
your lungs are the perfect place for you
there is no yesterday in your lungs
there is no tomorrow there either
there is only now
there is only inhale
there is only exhale
there is only this moment
there is only breath
and in that breath
you can rest while your
heart and head work
their relationship out.”
this morning,
while my brain
was busy reading
tea leaves
and while my
heart was staring
at old photographs
I packed a little
bag and walked
to the door of
my lungs
before I could even knock
she opened the door
with a smile and as
a gust of air embraced me
she said
“what took you so long?”
~ john roedel (johnroedel.com)
Informative Flights - Musings of a Teacher Librarian 